ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - EVENING

A fire blazes merrily in the center of a well-laid camp.  Plates heaping with food that Gabrielle has caught and prepared sit around the fire, unattended.

Near a tree at the outer edge of the camp, the Virgins are grouped, staring down with fascination at two rabbits in the bushes.

ANTEIA

What are they doing?

VESTA

Perhaps it’s a ritual?

ANTEIA

Can animals even perform rituals?

VESTA

Maybe they’ve been blessed.

Gabrielle walks over to the group and looks down at the scene.

GABRIELLE

You guys don’t get out much, do you?

ANTEIA

(proudly)

This is our first time outside the temple walls!

GABRIELLE

(falsely smiling)

Really?

VESTA

Anteia, look!  They’re doing it again!

ANTEIA

Definitely a ritual.

VESTA

But to which god?

GABRIELLE

(dryly)

Aphrodite.

ANTEIA

Really?  How do you know?

VIRGIN #1

It’s a sex-act thing.

The Virgins gasp.  Several swoon.  The rabbits dart away.

VESTA

Blasphemer!

ANTEIA

Unclean!  Unclean!

VIRGIN #1

Well, that’s what they’re doing!
My mother said so, and she should know!

VESTA

Oh, Hestia, save your child Peony
from her wanton thoughts!
Protect her this vile evilness!

GABRIELLE

She’s right, you know.

VIRGINS

What?!?

GABRIELLE

There’s nothing evil about it.
That’s how babies are made.

(beat)

Among… other things.

The Virgins gasp again.  Several more swoon.

VESTA

Certainly not!  A giant bird brought me in
his beak and laid me in my mother’s arms.

ANTEIA

My parents found me in a cabbage patch.

VIRGIN #2

They found me under a lily pad!

Stunned to silence, Gabrielle can only shake her head in amazement.

PEONY

My parents did the sex-act thing.

Absolute silence.

Then the Virgins begin chanting in the language of Hestia, beseeching their goddess to purify her poor, witless child.

Gabrielle puts her head in her hands and sighs.

GABRIELLE

Xena, I swear to you, this is the last time
you’re going to sit around and have all the
fun while I’m treading through Tartarus
with a boulder strapped to my back.

(beat)

Next time, Warrior Princess,
you do the dirty work.

CUT TO:

EXT. TOWN MARKET - EVENING

Xena walks through a bustling MARKET, her arms piled high with a number of articles she’s purchased.  Her steps are weary, and it’s obvious she’s having anything but fun.

Stepping up to a merchant stand, she lays her purchases on the counter and fixes the garishly clad proprietor with a steely gaze.

The MERCHANT looks her up and down, batting his eyelashes and fanning his face.

MERCHANT

Ooooh.  Now you’re a big girl, aren’t you?

XENA

In a really bad mood.

Pulling a hastily scrawled list from her bodice, she shoves it across the counter top.

XENA

(Cont’d)

How much?

The merchant scans the list, then looks back up at Xena, false pity in his eyes.

MERCHANT

Oh, sweetheart.  You’re not
much of a gourmand, are you?

Putting the list aside, he pats one of her hands.

MERCHANT

(Cont’d)

Maybe you should just let the cooks
in your army buy the food, hmm?

(beat)

Serve them this slop, and
they’ll desert for sure.

Growling, Xena leans forward, forcing the merchant to bend back until he stumbles.  Xena reaches out and snags the front of his shirt, pulling him up so that their faces are inches apart.

XENA

How.  Much.

MERCHANT

(squeaking)

F-F-Five d-d-dinars?

XENA

How about three?

MERCHANT

Th-Th-That’s good.

Smirking, Xena releases him, and he stumbles again before righting himself and darting off to find the items on her list.

XENA

And Gabrielle thinks I can’t haggle.

She dusts her hands off.

XENA

(Cont’d)

Nothin’ to it.

CUT TO:

EXT. CAMP - NEXT MORNING

Packed and ready for travel, the Virgins stand in a tight group, staring at Gabrielle and the young Virgin who mentioned sex.

PEONY

(sobbing)

How can they banish me for telling
the truth?  I’m not hurting anybody!

Gabrielle puts her arm around the young woman, comforting her.

GABRIELLE

Shh.  It’s all right.
They won’t banish you.

PEONY

But Vesta said….

GABRIELLE

You let me take care of Vesta, all right?

PEONY

Will you?

GABRIELLE

(smiling)

You bet.

PEONY

Thank you.  You’re very kind…
even if you aren’t a virgin.

GABRIELLE

Thanks.  I think.

Gabrielle pats the young woman on the back, then approaches the warily watching group, plastering a smile on her face.

GABRIELLE

Ready to go?

ANTEIA

Yes.  Without her.

GABRIELLE

Afraid that’s not possible.

(beat)

Either she comes with us, or I walk right
back to Xena and leave you all alone.

VESTA

Fine.  We’ll find our own way.

GABRIELLE

Be my guest.  Have a nice trip.

Gabrielle grins at the Virgins.  The Virgins stare at Gabrielle.

Gabrielle begins to whistle the Xena Theme Song.  The Virgins begin to sweat.

Finally, Anteia steps forward.

ANTEIA

All right, you win. She can travel
with us as far as the temple.
After that, she’ll need to leave.

GABRIELLE

Tell me something.

ANTEIA

Yes?

GABRIELLE

What did she say that was so wrong?

Anteia blanches.  Vesta steps forward.

VESTA

She said that… that… that “S” word!

GABRIELLE

Sex?

The Virgins gasp.

GABRIELLE

(Cont’d)

Sex isn’t something evil or dirty, you know.
It’s one of the ways that two people
who love each other share that love.

VESTA

(frowning)

That’s not possible.

GABRIELLE

Why not?

VESTA

Because without Hestia, there is no love.
She loves us, protects us, and cherishes
us because we do not use our
bodies in that vile, unclean way.

ANTEIA

Without being a Virgin, you
can know nothing of love.

GABRIELLE

I can’t, huh?

VESTA

No.

Gabrielle smiles and brings her hands together.

GABRIELLE

Okay, then.
How about I make you a deal?

ANTEIA

(suspiciously)

What kind of deal?

Gabrielle’s grin broadens.

GABRIELLE

I’ll tell you a story about the wonder
and beauty of love.  If even one of you
likes my story, you’ll apologize to Peony
and accept her back into your fold.

ANTEIA

And if we all hate it?

GABRIELLE

You can do what you want with her.

Peony sobs.

The Virgins look at one another.  They nod. 

VESTA

Our faith is strong.
You’ll never sway us.

GABRIELLE

We’ll see.

(beat)

If you’re all ready, let’s get going.
I’ll tell the story on the way.

The Virgins gather their things and start off after Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE

(Cont’d)

I sing a song of two travelers who
searched the world for love, only to find
it standing beside them the entire time.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. FESTIVAL OF BACCHUS - 30 YEARS AGO - NIGHT

Gabrielle, in her green top and rust skirt, staff in hand, drags a reluctant Xena by the hand through a crowded, lively town square.

GABRIELLE

(slightly exasperated)

Come on, Xena!
This is  supposed to be fun, remember?

Xena grumbles, but holds her tongue as she walks past a teeming hoard of garishly dressed townsfolk.  Many of them are holding cups of wine they seem determined to spill on her at any given opportunity.

The glare she gives a stranger who takes her passing as an opportunity to grab a handful of flesh that doesn’t belong to him causes the man to blanch and shrink away in abject terror.

XENA

Please tell me when the fun starts,
Gabrielle. I wouldn’t want to miss it.

Gabrielle sighs, stops, and turns to her friend.

GABRIELLE

Xena, you agreed that
we needed a break…

She raises her hand.

GABRIELLE

(Cont’d)

And before you say it, no, being
dead for a week doesn’t count.

Xena opens her mouth, then closes it, and instead settles for a somewhat melodramatic sigh.

GABRIELLE

(Cont’d)

Can you at least act like you’re
enjoying yourself?  Please?

Growling low in her throat, Xena appropriates a mug of wine from a passing townsman.  She downs it in one gulp, and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

XENA

I’m ready.  Let’s go have some fun.

Gabrielle grins happily, then stumbles as Xena grabs her hand and starts pulling her through the crowd.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. WOODS – AFTERNOON - PRESENT DAY

GABRIELLE

Excuse me, Anteia?
Did you have a question?

ANTEIA

Yes.  What’s a Bacchanalia?

Gabrielle scratches the back of her neck.

GABRIELLE

It’s a… um… well… it’s a festival!

VESTA

Oh, I love festivals!

ANTEIA

So do I!  The Festival of Hestia is
so beautiful. We get to wear our
prettiest gowns.  We recite poetry,
and when Thelea plays her harp,
oh!  Even the gods weep!

VESTA

And don’t forget the statues!
All those beautiful flowers!

ANTEIA

Is that the kind of festival
you’re talking about, Gabrielle?

Gabrielle winces.

GABRIELLE

Yes!

(beat)

Kind of.

ANTEIA

Wonderful!  Can we hear
some more, please?

GABRIELLE

Sure.

Now, as I was saying, the two travelers made their way into the festival, determined to have a good time.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. FESTIVAL OF BACCHUS - 30 YEARS AGO - NIGHT

Gabrielle sits at a small table that gives an unobstructed view of the large dance square directly in front of her.  A fully picked-over platter of meats and cheeses lies before her, and in her hand is a half-filled mug of overly sweet wine.

The air is thick with incense, and the throbbing, enticing beat of the drums causes Gabrielle to sway unconsciously in her seat as she watches the dancers move around one another, lightly touching.

A shadow falls over her, and she looks up to see a young man, roughly her own age and quite handsome, smiling down at her.

YOUNG MAN

Would you like to dance?

Gabrielle returns his smile, flattered.

GABRIELLE

It’s very nice of you to ask, but I
think I’m just going to sit here and
relax awhile.  It’s been a rough day.

(beat)

Thank you, though.

The young man looks crestfallen, but manages a smile.

YOUNG MAN

Maybe later?

GABRIELLE

Maybe.

The young man nods again, then moves off.  Gabrielle watches him until a small disturbance to her right reveals Xena easing through the dancers with two mugs of wine in her hand.

Her grin broadens as Xena sits down beside her, and passes one of the mugs over.  She stretches