ACT FOUR

FADE IN:

EXT. WESTERN ROAD - EARLY EVENING

The kingdom of Pilates receding behind them, Xena and Gabrielle are on the last leg of their journey.  The large, relatively smooth western road skirts Amphipolis and dips down into Poteidia.

Off to the left, a short distance ahead, a tall outcropping of bushes sways in a non existent breeze.  Gabrielle cocks her head.

GABRIELLE

Rabbits?

XENA

(grinning)

The two legged kind, maybe.

Dropping Argo’s reins and gesturing for the horse to stay, Xena moves silently toward the shaking bushes. Gabrielle follows just as quietly behind.

GABRIELLE

(whispering)

Xena....

XENA

(whispering)

Shh.

(beat)

Listen.

VOICE #1

Take a look out there.

VOICE #2

I’m not gonna look.  You look!

VOICE #1

I’m not gonna look.

VOICE #3

Shut up, both of ya.

The bushes rustle slightly.

VOICE #1

Ya see anything, boss?

VOICE #3

Nothin’.

VOICE #2

(plaintively)

How long we gotta wait, boss?  I’m

gittin’ stiff kneelin’ here like this all day.

VOICE #3

Shut up, ya stooge.  We’re waitin’ till

that namby pamby prince rides by,

and we’re gonna nab him and bring

him back to Gluteus, just like he said.

VOICE #2

And then we’ll be rollin’

in dough, right boss?

VOICE #3

More than you ever saw

in your life, buddy boy.

VOICE #1

Wow.  Gluteus is really smart, ain’t

he, boss?  Kidnappin’ the prince on

his wedding day.  That takes brains.

VOICE #3

He’s smart, all right.  Smart like a fox.

Holding a finger to her lips in a signal to Gabrielle, Xena steps silently in front of the bush, then very softly clears her throat.

VOICE #2

Did you hear that??

VOICE #1

I didn’t hear nothin’.

Did you, boss?

VOICE #3

Hear what?

Xena clears her throat again.

VOICE #2

That!  That!!  Didja hear it??

VOICE #1

I heard it, and I ain’t lookin’.

VOICE #3

Idiots!

The bushes slowly part to reveal the balding head of a well-built, if extremely dirty, man.  His eyes widen as he spies a pair of armored legs.  His gaze travels slowly up very long legs, along leather and brass armor, and up into the sky blue, and not very kind gaze of Xena. 

MAN #3

Who are you??

XENA

(smirking)

Me?  Oh, I’m the Solstice Fairy.

Two more heads quickly pop out of the bushes.

MAN #1

The Solstice Fairy!  Really?

XENA

Yup.

(beat, sensually)

And I’m about to make all

your dreams come true.

The last thing the men see is a booted foot which sends them into an early Solstice nap.

CUT TO:

EXT. WESTERN ROAD - NEAR SUNSET

Xena and Gabrielle are on the last stretch for Poteidia.  They come upon a very familiar and quite wide river that seems to be missing an important accompaniment.

GABRIELLE

Uh... Xena?

XENA

(preoccupied)

Yeah?

GABRIELLE

Didn’t there used to

be a bridge here?

Turning from her examination of Argo’s hooves, Xena scans the river.  There’s no bridge in sight.

XENA

Used to be.

A second later, her hand darts out and grabs Gabrielle by the back of her cloak, pulling her to Xena’s side.  Gabrielle looks at her strangely.

GABRIELLE

I wasn’t planning on

falling in, you know.

Suddenly, the ground shakes and quakes and rumbles.  Gabrielle grabs Xena tightly, using the taller body to help her keep balance.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

What in Tartarus?

VOICE

(off camera)

FE! FI! FO! FUM! 

I SMELL …..

A pause as a giant, and blind, Cyclops stomps from behind the large rock outcropping to the left of them.

CYCLOPS

(growling)

XENA!!!!

Xena grins, completely unsurprised.

XENA

You remembered.  I’m touched.

CYCLOPS

How could I forget?

You blinded me!

XENA

Can’t say I’m sorry I did, either.

CYCLOPS

You will!  You’ll be screaming

your apology after I get through

ripping your flesh from your bones!

Xena laughs.

XENA

That’ll be the day.

CYCLOPS

I’m serious!  There’s no escape

for you now, Xena.  I’ve taken

the bridge out, as you can see.

Xena shrugs.

XENA

So?  We’ll just go back

the way we came.

The Cyclops laughs.

CYCLOPS

I don’t think so!!

The ground rumbles again.  Xena and Gabrielle turn in time to see a second blind Cyclops come out of hiding, blocking the road.

CYCLOPS #2

GRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

XENA

Aw.  You’ve found a

friend.  How… nice.

CYCLOPS #2

GRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

XENA

Not very talkative, is he?

CYCLOPS

He’s just hungry!  For YOU!!

XENA

Sorry, but I already

have a partner.

Gabrielle smirks.

CYCLOPS #2

GRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

The ground moves again as the second Cyclops lumbers forward, his massive arms held out in an attempt to grab Xena and Gabrielle.  The pair merely step to one side, and the Cyclops stumbles into his friend, driving them backwards almost into the river.

Xena’s eyes light up.

GABRIELLE

I know that look.

Xena grins.

XENA

Gimme a quill.

GABRIELLE

What?

XENA

C’mon, c’mon.  A quill.

Looking at Xena strangely, Gabrielle pulls a quill from her bag and hands it to her partner.  Xena snatches it up with a grin.

XENA

Thanks!

The two Cyclops have managed to disentangle themselves and are facing the women, heads cocked as they try to sniff out their prey.  Xena darts over to the first, inverts the quill, and begins running the feathered end over the Cyclops’ instep.

CYCLOPS

Stop that!

Grinning evilly, Xena only rubs harder, darting the feather all over his foot. 

CYCLOPS

STOP THAT!!!

His threats are to no avail.  Finally he lifts his foot up, grasping it with his hands as he begins laughing. Xena darts over to the other foot and applies the same treatment.

A second later, a wildly laughing Cyclops begins to fall.

GABRIELLE

Timber!!

The ground shakes hugely, and by the time the dust has cleared, the Cyclops has formed a “human” bridge across the water.

Gabrielle nods to her partner.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

I’m impressed!

CYCLOPS #2

GRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

XENA

You got somethin’ to say?

CYCLOPS #2

That won’t work with me!!

Xena grins again.

XENA

Maybe not, but this will.

Reaching into Gabrielle’s bag, she pulls out a scroll, checks carefully to make sure it has no writing on it, and then opens it up fully.  Holding it completely extended side to side, she runs over to the second Cyclops and begins to saw the sharp edge against his big toe.

CYCLOPS #2

No!  Not a parchment cut!

I HATE THOSE!!!

Laughing, Xena just keeps up the torture until the second Cyclops joins his friend, spanning the river with his body.

With a pleased smirk, Xena returns to Gabrielle’s side, handing her back the parchment and quill.

GABRIELLE

Bard tools as weapons.

Who knew?

XENA

I have....

GABRIELLE

Don’t remind me.

(beat)

C’mon, we’ve got a

Solstice to celebrate.

CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF POTEIDIA - NIGHT

Xena and Gabrielle have finally arrived at their destination.  The last hour of the journey has been taken up with Gabrielle’s observations on Poteidia’s unique Solstice Eve celebration.  The whole town comes out on Solstice Eve and circles the largest tree in the town.  The Solstice Tree, as it is called, is gaily decorated with ribbons, pinwheels and candles.  The townspeople hold hands in a circle and sing Solstice carols as the night draws on.

As they arrive in the town, Xena notes that, indeed the townspeople are circled around a huge tree in the center of the town square.  It doesn’t seem like much of a Solstice Tree, however, given the only decorations are a few scattered, ugly, clumps of dead leaves barely hanging on to naked, peeling branches.

All the townspeople are staring up, and Xena looks up as well.  She can’t see anything amiss, and looks to Gabrielle with a question in her eyes.  Gabrielle shrugs.

LILA

Gabrielle??  Gabrielle,

is that you?!?

GABRIELLE

Lila!!!

Xena gets left behind as Gabrielle races across the square and into her sister’s wide, welcoming arms.  Xena smiles as she watches the two women embrace tightly. She moves forward when Gabrielle finally pulls away and beckons her.

Lila looks a bit uncomfortable, given her part in Janos’ plans against Xena.

Xena gives her a smile and with a gentle hand, pulls the older woman into a hug.

XENA

Happy Solstice, Lila.

LILA

(crying)

I’m so, so sorry,

Xena.  I….

XENA

Shh. It’s all right.

 It’s all right.

LILA

Xena, I….

Pulling away slightly, Xena cups Lila’s chin and tilts her head up so that their gazes meet.

XENA

It’s all right, Lila.

(beat, smiling)

You did what you thought you

had to do to protect Gabrielle.

LILA

I should have trusted you!!

XENA

You wanted what was best for

your sister.  I can understand that.

(beat)

It’s what I want, too.

LILA

Can you ever forgive me?

About to demur, Xena realizes how important this is to Lila, so she nods.

XENA

There’s nothing to

forgive, but… yes.

A look of profound relief sweeping over her face, Lila pulls Xena back into a hug.

LILA

Thank you, Xena. 

Thank you.

The women break apart as Gabrielle steps in, putting a hand on each of their shoulders.

GABRIELLE

(smiling)

Is this a private party,

or can I join too?

Laughing, Lila hugs her sister, and Xena completes the circle.  They stand together for a long time before finally breaking apart.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

So, where’s Sarah?

LILA

Over at the in-laws.  They’ll

be back tomorrow morning.

GABRIELLE

I can’t wait to see her.

Looking up, she sees that the rest of the townspeople are staring at them.

GABRIELLE

(cont’d)

Oh!  I guess we’re holding up

the festivities.  What song

are we gonna sing first?

Lila blushes a little.

LILA

No, not quite.

GABRIELLE

What?

LILA

This year’s Solstice

Tree is over there.

Lila points to a gaily decorated tree some fifty feet to the left.

GABRIELLE

(confusedly)

Then why is everyone

standing around this one?

LILA

Well, you see, there’s

a little… problem.

GABRIELLE

Problem?  What?

LILA

A cat.

(beat)

It’s stuck way up at the top.

(beat)

And we can’t get it down.

Gabrielle looks over to Xena, who shrugs.

XENA

I’ll come down when

it’s hungry.

LILA

It’s been up there

for three days!

XENA

It’ll come down

when it’s cold, then.

LILA

Xena, it’s supposed

to snow tonight.

XENA

So?  It’s got a fur coat.

GABRIELLE

Xena....

XENA

Gabrielle, if they want the cat,

they can climb up and get it.

LILA

Um… we tried that.  No one’s strong

enough to climb that high.  There

aren’t any branches low enough.

Xena and Gabrielle look at one another.  Gabrielle’s eyes get big and round, imploring in a way that she knows Xena can’t resist.

Xena is wavering.

Suddenly, a little girl of no more than three steps forward, holding her mother’s hand.  Her eyes are as big and as round and as green as Gabrielle’s as she looks up at the tall warrior.

LITTLE GIRL

Pwease?